HOW DO I GET A MAGIC BLUE BADGE?

Those people who park badly on double-yellow lines at awkward and often dangerous places seem to have very little consideration for the rest of the population. They get away with it because prominently displayed on the dashboard is - the blue badge!

Until now I have considered these people to be taking liberties; abusing the system; able to get this special dispensation to avoid paying parking fees or getting one of those dreaded tickets from a Parking Enforcement Officer. Now I am having second thoughts! If you can't beat 'em - join 'em!

My old legs aren't doing too badly at 70 but that accident I had as a 15-year-old boy when I fell down a cliff in Devon (see reference in Torbay lifeboat station!) is now coming back to give me a bit of pain. Smashing your ankle as a youth was a bit of a setback but a combination of a skin graft, a bone graft and the surgeon's skill managed to get me through the next 55 years. They said I would have arthritis at 40 and walk with a stick - but that has been avoided, just.

Now I'm wondering. The old leg is playing up more often than usual. Driving a car is not a problem; it's the walk at the other end of the journey which can be a bit painful. A limping old man in Leigh-on-Sea is not a pretty sight.

So I am going to see whether my situation qualifies for one of those park-anywhere Blue Disability badges. I shall fill in the forms and send them to the relevant disability monitoring service, no doubt a department that ticks boxes and goes by the rules. Do I have to write an eloquent piece to support my case? Probably - but no porky pies allowed!

So watch this space. The application will be submitted soon accompanied by a polite and sensible letter. Surely they won't say no to my request. Can it be any harder that getting tickets for Centre Court at Wimbledon on a FA Cup Final? Will they throw out the forms if I make one slight error?

This is a big moment in my life. I have to use all my life experience and common sense to persuade these people, whoever they are, that I have a justified case for a disability badge. Wish they wouldn't call it that, though. I much prefer 'Mobility and Life Enhancing Accreditation'. I won't be suggesting that just yet!